feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Girls should come with a carfax report
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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