Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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