The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
