AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
