Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
