just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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