that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
