Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
