its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
