Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
