don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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