At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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