Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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