her vagine was all disorganized.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
