thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish you could order shots online.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
