Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
