tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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