I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
