Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
