Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
