Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's never too late to be topless.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
