idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
