i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
