I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How's work?
Spinning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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