apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
