tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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