Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
