I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
