I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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