I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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