I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
