just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
