saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
