Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
