Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
