She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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