You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i have two assholes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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