My friends, they love my intelligence
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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