4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
