im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
