I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
