So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
