I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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