my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
