Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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