My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
