I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
