Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
