This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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