I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize