He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
