There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
