D3 body, D1 cock
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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