If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
