you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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