He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have post one night stand depression
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
