Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
