i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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