I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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