There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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