Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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