these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
