Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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