just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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