my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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