I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize