the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize