THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
