He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
