Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
