What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
