): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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