he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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