Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
