im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
