do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
