whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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