I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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