well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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