I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
