Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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