pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
