watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
