Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
