if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
