I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
