He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
