and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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