I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
