I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
