I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize