after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
