Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
