Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
