she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
