Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
