guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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