Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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