would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
