At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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