Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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