Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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