I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize