I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
