I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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