I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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