Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
