Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
id be glad to
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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